


Six Chambers

by nebulas (strawberry_bee)



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, LOVED this prompt though so I hope you guys enjoy it, M/M, Unrequited Love, mccree is the best pov to write from i gotta do it more often, this started as a plot bunny and got p big, warming up to write in the fandom again
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-21
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-26 03:02:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9859205
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberry_bee/pseuds/nebulas
Summary: Jesse McCree stood up Hanzo Shimada the night he promised he would break him free from Hanzo's old life. Now Jesse must live with that fateful night, and all the regrets he harbors.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [The Thirteen Letters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2689091) by [dropdeaddream](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dropdeaddream/pseuds/dropdeaddream), [WhatAreFears](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatAreFears/pseuds/WhatAreFears). 



> This was originally intended as a warm-up so I could get back into the fandom, and it kind of got away from me. I hope you enjoy it!

          Hanzo,

               I hope you forgive me for what I couldn’t do. I asked Genji to find you for me, to tell you that the deal is off. I cannot, in good conscience, draw you into my life. If there is a way for you to escape, you will find it, I'm certain of it. I'm no prince charming that's gonna be able to sweep you off your feet, never was, never will be. It's gonna be hard, pretending you meant nothing to me to Reyes. It's gonna be hard pretending you meant nothing to me either. Although that's what I do best anyhow, living in denial until I forget where the truth has been buried. 

             I'm doing a poor job of explaining my actions. The moment when I asked, the second you looked at me with eyes full of fear, I knew it was a mistake. What kind of fool am I, to tear you from everything you've ever known, ~~just cause we have a bit of a thing between the two of us?~~ I'm not going to deny that I love you, Han. I'm not sure how you feel about me, but there's gotta be something there, for you to want to leave with me. It's a damn shame I never got to hear you say it. There just wasn't enough time for a declaration of love I suppose. Not that I put on a brave face and said it myself. But I think you know. Or well, you used to know. Can't say ditching casts me in a good light. 

                ~~I wish~~ wishing doesn’t make the pain go away. That’s what my ma used to say. And she’s right. I can’t keep focusing on you, on what we have. I have to tear the sting out now, be done with you before you can dig your claws in any further. Hell, I'm not even sure why I'm bothering with writing this to you. Must be therapeutic or something, lord knows I'm going to need a ton of that by the time I've settled down. 

              I should've made Genji wait so I could give him this damn letter. 

* * *

          Hanzo,

                 I'm not gonna excuse myself for writing you again. I'm just digging a deeper hole for myself later. I didn't think you'd end up being my one and only confidant. A very one-sided confidant that I have to imagine all your reactions even though it's been a year and a half since...well, I still feel pretty shitty about that. It turns out I was right though, Hanzo. Maybe I should send you the bits they recovered of my arm as a 'i told you so'. 

                 So, I'm frankly not handling(ha) the loss of my arm very well. I got a pretty cool metal arm in replacement, but there's still nights where I wake up, reaching for--okay I'm still reaching for you. I'm ashamed of it. Of my damn stump, of my damn metal replacement. Every time I look at it, I'm reminded of how invincible I thought I was, of how I figured I could step out of the gig any old time I wanted and come and find you. Some shitty wake-up call this was. I can't stop thinking of you. There's something wrong with me, Han, I think I made the right decision when I left you back then. If you had come, I don't know what I would do if it was you who had lost an arm instead of me. I would never forgive myself, not in a million years. 

                Things are getting dangerous. (I mean no shit, I'm over here losing an arm and a leg for Reyes). I'm starting to realize why it's so damn appealing to have a prince charming come and sweep me off of my feet. ~~Good thing you have the prince thing covered, right?~~ But I've made this bed, and I'm gonna have to lay in it. I'm starting to think this bed is more my own personal coffin though. I'm buried alive in the piles of shit I've gotten myself into. 

               Reyes tried to cheer me up by hiring a hooker for me the other day. Even made certain that he was Japanese too. Can't tell you how much shit I broke when the poor guy walked through the door. I didn't hit him or anything, don't worry. It just means that Reyes knew about us, knows that I still have something for you. Or maybe just had. Bastard probably thinks I have a fetish or something. Anyways, I didn't sleep with him or anything, I even apologized for scaring the poor guy shitless. The only good thing is that I don't think Reyes will be trying that again. Not if he want's to keep his life. 

              The meds are making me doze, and I better stash this away before I pass out. 

 

* * *

          Hanzo,

               I met Genji. He's changed a hell of a lot. Green hair suits him, surprisingly. It was nice catching up, and he even recognized me after all our years apart. He didn't really mention you, and I didn't bring you up. I felt that it would be a lot easier on the both of us if we both pretended I still wasn't a little bit smitten over you. Still, it was a shock to meet Genji in a stripper joint. He was high on something, that was for sure. Looked like he was buzzing right on out of his skin. Or maybe it was just the fact he wasn't listening to your clan's elders anymore. He told me about that, his little rebellion. I didn't really find it to be my place to tell him that his time was limited. I think he knows it himself. 

             It's hard looking at what Genji is doing. It reminds me of the crap I had done in order to rebel. He's passed out on my bed right now, he tried to outdrink me. Remember the first time he tried that? You thought I had given your kid brother alcohol poisoning. As if. The idiot is gonna get himself killed, or you're gonna kill him yourself for all the stupid shit he's getting himself into. 

            I feel bad turning him back over to your clan. I just can't leave him here to wake up with god knows what kind of plan he has next. He belongs at home despite all the times the two of you have come to blows just by being around each other. I thought about giving him a letter to give you when he got back. Genji's the vindictive sort though. He'd probably burn it, or worse, publish it to get back at you. I wonder if either of you will ever grow out of being spiteful towards each other for the smallest of things. 

            I just thank god that Reyes didn't find him first. He would've used him as leverage. Probably for connections, or assets from your clan, and I don't think I could handle negotiations with you in the room again.  

* * *

 

         Hanzo,

              I saw a photo of you in the news today. Never thought I'd see you in a goatee, but it suits you. Is Genji really causing that much trouble? I mean, to the point that the news emblazons "Shimada Clan Heir Turned Playboy" on every media outlet can't be good. I hope you can reel him in before anything bad happens. Reyes beat someone to the point of death today. Angela was barely able to save her. It was just a rookie mistake, and he became completely unhinged. I'm starting to wonder if it's even possible for me to bow out anymore now. He's become something else, Hanzo.

             I've never seen anyone more paranoid in my life. He paces the hallways late at night, opening doors and slamming them over and over again. He's turned into a living ghost, haunting his own life. I'm the only one he says he trusts anymore. Not that I put a lot of stock into that. I think he talks a lot of shit. It's like I'm watching an entire empire beginning to fall, and it's gonna take me down along with it. I just hope I can crawl out of the rubble when this is all over. Head back to Japan, wander around Hanamura until I stumble into you once again. I like to think you'd go and get some coffee with me after that. Who knows, you might not even recognize me anymore. Hell, I hardly recognized you in the news today, and you're plastered all over the place. 

            It might be too late. I can't imagine you've been stuck on me all these years. And here I am, idealizing a fling that I had in my early twenties. Shit. 

* * *

 

         Shimada,

               Instead of helping Genji, you went and killed him. Fuck, you're cold. That's what happens though, when I go off and idealize someone. I tend to forget that you've changed over the years too. Not that I'm an innocent flower myself. Who knows, you'd recoil in horror over what I've become as well. What a perfect match we'd be. A bounty hunter and a murderer on the run. I'm getting real Bonnie and Clyde vibes. Would you still run away with me now, or shoot me dead and collect the reward? How romantic. 

              Blackwatch has fallen, by the way. I'm officially on the run. I keep thinking about just burning these letters and moving on. The only thing that's keeping me back though, is that my past is never gonna leave me. And you were the best part of my past. Call me selfish, call me insane, but that's the godawful truth. I've kept these letters covering my heart all this time, and when they finally put a bullet through my skull, I want them to find these. This is the only thing left that will humanize me in the eyes of the law. Guess that's why I've been thinking of Bonnie and Clyde so often. Despite the fact they terrorized the entirety of the south, they're softened in the eyes of history just cause they loved each other. Maybe I can redeem you just a little, in this. 

             Do you watch the news still? I wonder what you must make of me. I bet you're glad that I'm finally getting what's been coming for me all this time. That's only fair. I just hope that whatever comes after you for what you've done is kinder than what I will have to suffer.

* * *

 

          Shimada,

              Over all these years, despite the times I have written you, you have begun to fade from memory. I try to remember brushing cherry blossoms out of your hair, the times you have hidden behind your hair when I made you blush. But like all things we treasure in our youth, it crumbles. I still think of you when the birds begin to sing once more when spring comes around. For years I have been comfortable with the ache in my chest that yearned for you, but now even that has fallen silent, and now I only remember you in the vaguest of terms.

             Overwatch has issued a recall. I think I'm going to answer it. I'm going to remake myself over again, and that means letting you go. These six letters hold who you were to me, and it's time I burned them. I loved you once, Hanzo Shimada. 

 


End file.
